To Go Through All This
by Rosawyn
Summary: Lily, throughout her pregnancy and Harry's infancy.


**To Go Through All This**

A _Harry Potter_ fanfic by Rosawyn

Lily Potter was pregnant. She didn't look pregnant, but she certainly felt pregnant. She was so tired, so dizzy, so miserable. She felt like she was starving all day long, but the mere thought of actually eating any food turned her stomach. James sat her down and gently encouraged her to sip water and eat some soda crackers. She knew she needed to eat, both for herself and her baby, but it was so hard. Sometimes, she would manage to eat, only to throw it all up moments later. She wondered if it was worth it, to go through all this, just to have a baby. She thought maybe she was just not cut out to be a mother, and she cried.

But short weeks later, she felt her baby moving for the first time. She was so excited, she called for James and had him put his hand on her belly for him to feel too. But James didn't feel anything; it was months before James felt anything. Somehow, though, feeling her baby move made it all worth it. And Lily was happy.

Lily Potter was in labour. Her back hurt and she was tired and miserable. She just wanted to go to sleep. James held her hand through each contraction, telling her he loved her and that he was so proud of her. She knew she couldn't give up, even if she wanted to; giving birth just didn't work that way. She threw up. She was soaked in sweat. She wondered if it was worth it, to go through all this, just to have a baby. She thought maybe she was just not cut out to be a mother, and she cried.

But short hours later, she pushed one last time and Harry was out. Harry was here. She held him to her breast and looked into his tiny wrinkled perfect face. Somehow, seeing her baby's face made it all worth it. And Lily was happy.

Lily Potter was so tired. Harry was only a few days old, and it was 3:30 am. Harry was crying. She'd changed him, she'd fed him, she'd wrapped him in a blanket. He was still crying. She was rocking him in her arms, but he wouldn't go to sleep. James padded quietly from their bedroom, rubbing his eyes. She could tell from his face that he was just as tired as she was, but he took Harry from her and told her to go to sleep. "You need your sleep," he said. She lay in bed, listening to James walk the floor, singing softly to Harry and Harry crying. She couldn't sleep, but the pillow felt very nice under her head. An hour later, she had to feed Harry again. As she sat in the rocker, her neck and shoulders ached and she missed her pillow. She wondered if it was worth it, to go through all this. She thought again that maybe she was just not cut out to be a mother, and she cried.

But short weeks later Harry looked right into her eyes and smiled at her for the first time. She was so excited she felt a warm wave of love welling up inside her and she hugged her baby close. It was another month before Harry ever smiled at James, and longer still before he ever smiled at anyone else. Somehow, though, Harry's smiles made it all worth it. And Lily was happy.

Harry Potter was teething. He threw his bowl across the room and gnawed miserably on his spoon. He bit Lily when she tried to nurse him and she cried out in pain. He took over an hour to finally fall asleep at night, and then woke every two hours, crying again. Lilly was so tired, and she felt helpless to calm her son. As she walked the floor, shushing him as he cried miserably in her ear, she wondered if it was worth it, to go through all this. She thought maybe she was just not cut out to be a mother, and she cried.

But short months later Harry looked up at her, reached for her and said "Mum-ma" for the first time. She was so excited she called her mom to tell her about Harry's first word. It was another month and a half before Harry ever said "Dada". Lily could tell that James was a little jealous. She watched and listened to him playing with Harry, telling him over and over, "I'm your Daddy, Harry. Can you say Daddy?" Harry would giggle, grab at James' hair and say, "Mum-ma! Mum-ma!" She did feel a little sorry for James. Somehow, though, hearing her son say "Mum-ma" made it all worth it. And Lily was happy.

Lily Potter was terrified. Voldemort was coming; he was in their house. This time, she knew they wouldn't escape. As she held Harry close, all she could think of was how much she loved him, how she'd do anything to save him. As she turned to face the blast from the evil wizard's wand, putting herself between Voldemort and her son, she knew, no matter what, it was worth it, to go through all this. Knowing that Harry would live on because of her sacrifice made it all worth it. And Lily was happy.


End file.
